Sony bullshit generator still in working order
It's good to know that Sony still has one market-leading piece of highly efficient and productive hardware on its books. The ailing megacorporation seems to expend most of its effort these days launching acres of cretinous lying drivel into the ever-compliant media, blaming anyone but itself for the catalogue of ineptitude that has beset the company over the last few years.
The space of that single hardware generation has seen Sony's games division crash from being the overwhelming market leader by a factor of 6:1 over the nearest opposition (the PS2 has sold around 140 million units worldwide compared to the original Xbox's pitiful 25 million and just 21 million for the Gamecube) to a dismal last place in every field of operation it competes in.
The company's products populate the Blue Square Football Conference of the videogaming leagues – the PS3 is still making basically no inroads into the Xbox 360's lead and gazing far off into the distance at the dust trail of the Wii in the mainstream market, and the PSP has been humiliated by the DS and now the iPhone and iPod in the handheld field. But who's responsible for the latter catastrophe? You'll never guess in a million years.
Okay, you probably will. It's those pesky pirates again!
"I think we had a great lineup last year. The biggest problem that plagued PSP was piracy", lied the latest idiot liar wheeled out by the company to insult everyone's intelligence with some idiot lies last week. Surprisingly, no kind of evidence was offered to substantiate this claim – not even the usual back-of-a-cigarette-packet "calculations" about "lost" revenue, but since Mr Dyer works for Sony, we're sure he knows what he's talking about.
What we know for certain, though, is that the PSP's biggest problem definitely wasn't launching the PSP Go, a cut-down yet inexplicably far more expensive model of the platform that's incapable of running boxed software bought from shops and caused consumers to worry that the normal PSP was about to be made obsolete.
The PSP's problems are also definitely NOT the fact that game releases for the machine have dried up to a trickle, which is definitely NOT because publishers have realised the stupidity of developing far more complex and expensive games for a platform where software sells for the same price as DS games which have twice the userbase and cost a fraction as much to create. (The PSP had 394 game SKUs released in 2009, compared to 1,384 for the DS. But that's definitely just a statistical anomaly.)
And we can further confirm that it's definitely piracy that's to blame, because of the fact that the DS famously doesn't suffer from piracy at all, explaining its vastly higher sales of both hardware AND software. If it was somehow possible to pirate games on the DS far more cheaply and far more easily than it is on the PSP, we can all definitely agree that the DS would be a massive failure, and would NOT be making Nintendo the vast uncountable piles of money that it consistently has for the last half-decade.
Other factors which have definitely NOT caused the PSP's failings include Sony's control-freak restrictions on the machine's most attractive features. While the platform is a fantastic way to play old PS1 games via its built-in emulator, Sony block users from transferring their legally-owned old games to a Memory Stick while simultaneously not bothering to make them available to buy in the pathetically barren European PS Store. (Which offers a feeble 55 PS1 games, scattered around without even their own category to make them easy to find. The Japanese store, meanwhile, has 375 PS1 games, with their own section and sorted into various helpful sub-categories.)
But this has DEFINITELY NOT caused PSP owners to hack their PSPs for this entirely legitimate purpose, only to then find themselves tempted by the sudden ease of playing pirated PSP games in a far more convenient format that through Sony's abysmal proprietary UMD format, which stores games on slow, noisy, fragile discs and demands the further purchase of an overpriced proprietary-format memory-card for savegames.
Last among the factors which have DEFINITELY NOT contributed to the PSP being so comprehensively eclipsed by its competitors is the fact that despite being allegedly a machine aimed at the portable handheld market, the PSP is a huge and unwieldy device far too big to fit in the average pocket, with an exposed screen which necessitates still more bulk in the form of a case or pouch (at yet more additional expense).
The fact that it also tends to play host to games not designed with the needs of the portable-gaming market in mind is equally irrelevant, as is the fact that the machine's battery loses all charge from mere days of disuse, while the DS (like the GBA before it) can be left unattended for months or years on end and then picked up and played with the majority of its last charge still intact.
None of these things, WoSblog would like to emphasise once more, have played any part in the PSP's failure to achieve Sony's expectations. It was piracy – entirely, definitely, piracy and nothing else.
It's always someone else's fault, isn't it, Sony?